


L'Enfer, C'est les Autres

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drabble Collection, Gen, Hurt, Introspection, POV First Person, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 17:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13745532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: They hate each other, resent each other, hide from each other.But they're exactly the same.





	L'Enfer, C'est les Autres

_Abandoned, in Hatred_

It stood out in front of him, a strange shadow inside the darkness.

It was immense, and _magnificent._

But, most of all, it was a place he felt he belonged to.

And not because he had finally escaped the orphanage, but because he had finally obtain a legitimation of those qualities he _felt_ he had.

Tom Riddle had felt abandoned too many times in his short life.

Abandoned to himself, to a world that didn’t suit him.

Now he was breathing with open lungs the air of a new home, where abandonment didn’t have a reason to be.

And yet, he still wasn’t happy.

He just wanted to get inside that castle, and start to make his hatred overflow.

 

_Abandoned, in Silence_

He had cried.

He had been ashamed of it, and had been punished for such a human and little honourable thing.

A punishment that didn’t have any effect on his skin anymore.

And yet, he had escaped now. That home, so hated, was miles away from Hogwarts, and he gave in to the luxury of not thinking for a second to his mother, whom he had abandoned alongside that man who had arrogantly taken the right to be called ‘father’.

And, after all, Severus had been abandoned too many times as well. To his thoughts, to his insignificant emotions.

He knew he was born for that solitude, but at least now he couldn’t hear screams and tears anymore.

 

_Abandoned, in Questions_

Marvel. Astonishment.

Everything that went beyond his imagination.

All of a sudden, he thought about his parents. About how they had felt when they’d seen Hogwarts for the first time, whether they had felt that joy that went over human comprehension.

And then, he was caught by an annihilating sense of abandonment.

He would’ve never known.

He was alone, and they weren’t going to answer to the thousands questions he had to ask.

And still, Harry could feel their presence into the castle.

James and Lily were dead, but now he was going to share a home with them. The home Harry had never known, was now in front of him.

And it wasn’t going to abandon him.

 

_Alone, for Awareness_

He was alone.

Alone.

And he was still able to grasp the details.

He surrounded himself with people, and they all believed to be fundamental to his existence. But they didn’t exist for him. He talked to everyone, and confide in nobody.

He talked, for it was the thing he did best. For he was blessed with that charm he was able to use to win their minds, to keep them in check.

Riddle had been abandoned years before, and he was abandoned even now.

Something had changed.

Tom Riddle, this time, was abandoned to himself because he had chosen to put up a wall between himself and others.

He had abandoned himself.

 

_Alone, for Ignorance_

He had learnt one thing: one feels more lonely when he’s surrounded by people.

At home he was ignored by his mother and occasionally beaten by his father. As a kid, he had strongly desired attention that had never come. Then, with time, he had learnt to desire only to be ignored.

And at Hogwarts, among those frozen cold walls, his request had been granted.

He moved, slithering and evanescent like a ghost.

It wasn’t life, but mere survival.

He had let himself go, abandoning himself in a limbo with no escape.

 

_Alone, for Choice_

Preparations were in full swing.

For yet another time, he was forced to watch his classmates pack to go back home during the Christmas holidays.

And him?

That holiday had always had scarce meaning to him. It meant to work hard to make sure Dudley was satisfied, and seeing himself humiliated by the constant feeling of not belonging to that place, of not belonging to a family.

He could’ve gone back to Privet Drive.

And yet, for once, in the most complete sensation of abandonment he had made the right choice: he had abandoned himself, this time.

The sense of solitude stayed but, at least, now it was his choice.

 

_And I let go to their Death_

I brush Nagini, slowly.

She’s magnificent. She’s mine.

She’s not human, she’s charming, to my eyes.

The battle rages, I relish the images of death filling my mind.

All is going to end tonight, and I’ll finally have the vendetta I’ve searched for so long.

I think about my mother, weirdly, and I can almost see her eyes, vacuous after death.

It’s for her too, all of this. For that silly witch who has lost everything to a devastating, spoiled love.

She had abandoned herself to him, before abandoning me.

And now, all of those who had dared to challenge me, are about to pay for that abandonment.

And I let go to their Death.

 

_And I let go to a rightful Death_

I know what’s about to happen to me.

I fight for my life without much certainty, but the truth is I wait anxious the moment I’m gonna close my eyes forever.

The moment in which I’ll be welcomed by those who have paid with death those glimpses of useless affections toward me.

All those I’ve killed, because I haven’t been brave enough to save them.

Lily. Albus.

And my mother.

I’m expecting a hug, in this inglorious death, and I look for her arms inside the darkness that’s starting to surround me.

She had abandoned me, and it took me years to forgive her.

I’m ready, now.

And I let go to a rightful Death.

 

_And I let go to Death_

_I’m about to die._

Like a curse weighing on my family, like that courage which has brought nothing but tears and blood.

In this moment, I don’t think about the friends I’ve made during the years; I don’t think about Ron and Hermione, I don’t think about the Burrow, which I’ve considered as a surrogate for a home to be called mine.

I think about my mother and my father, about their death, at their fading images surrounding me.

They, who abandoned me for me to live all this.

Abandoned, so that I could die.

And yet they’re here tight now, next to me, only shadows but I can see them.

I’m not afraid anymore.

And I let go to Death.


End file.
